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Why chocolate is good for you
Chocolate is a vegetable !
Chocolate is derived from cacao beans.
Bean = vegetable.

Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS.
Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category, also.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy.
So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices, and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands,
you're eating it too slowly.

The problem:
How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip:
Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights,
and they will jump out of the
chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
Don't they actually counteract each other?

Money talks. Chocolate sings beautifully.

Chocolate has many preservatives.
Preservatives make you look younger.
Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate if you want to look young.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in place.
Now, isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

Since calories are a measure of heat,
putting your chocolate in the freezer reduces the calories almost to nothing.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose.
An entire garment industry would be devastated.
You can't let that happen, can you?

Take time to laugh; it's the music of the soul....

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others. 

The graveside was piled with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded". Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. 

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral wa held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Happy Valentine's Day
((((((((((((( THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE ))))))))))))))))))))

 1: If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

 2: Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

 3: The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot  car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

 4: Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off  your appetite and you'll eat less.

 5: A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories  in one place. Isn't that handy?

 6: If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

7: If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.  Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to  protect themselves.

 8: If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a  balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

 9: Money talks. Chocolate sings.

 10: Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

 11: - Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? - A.  Because no one wants to quit.

 12: If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose.  An entire garment industry would be devastated.

13: Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That  way, at least you'll get one thing done.

 14: And my favorite: Before consuming any chocolate, first break it into  pieces. The process of breaking allows the calories to leak out!

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